My ‘Awakening’.


(You really need to read this account in tandem with God doc. or it won’t make much sense.)




I experienced an ‘awakening’…



And no that’s not a spiritual term per se, it’s simply a description. Let me explain:


I once had a dream that I was in the local shopping mall in my underwear. All I could think to do was to find my car in order to get home. I did manage to get to the car park somehow? I saw a door that lead to the car park but then I didn’t walk through it, I looked at it and the next minute I was in the car park. So there I was, looking for my car that for some strange reason was now a giant orange?


But then you accept the dream reality as it’s presented to you in a dream don’t you. Unless of course you realise the dream, become lucid, that’s a different story and in fact a micro of the macro I now find myself in. That I am well aware that I am ‘dreaming’, and yet I can’t control or escape this dream, via ‘God’ the carrier of course.


When you wake back from a dream to what we call ‘reality’, (there is no ‘real’ place as such, not in terms of physical solidity, it’s all just levels of dreaming within the One mind). When you wake you can then see how suppressed your intellect had been during the dream state. How did I end up in the shopping mall, why did I not question that? And why was I trying to drive a giant orange? Why didn’t I simply find a security guard and tell him that I had lost my memory and now I’d found myself there?


Therefore… If I suggest to you that the person you think you are is not the ‘all’ of who you really are, you are just a dumbed down dream version of your greater self. You should be able to understand why I initially said ‘I experienced an awakening’. I simply woke back a level to a ‘reality’, beyond this place, a place where I always know what we really are, all the information in the God doc. (You don’t have to learn anything, there’s no trick to it, no work required, you simply wake up and remember. Explaining why and how ‘enlightenment’ can be ‘instantaneous’!)


This of course explaining why most people in this place imagine that they are ‘in’ space, when in truth space can’t contain a logical boundary to be with ‘in’. And no space can’t be ever expanding that’s a cop out it solves nothing, expanding to where, a void, which is not nothing, and if it is indeed expanding into a void how did the void get there and how big is that? There is something fundamentally wrong with the picture of our supposed physical reality, it simply makes no sense, and yet no one questions it; ‘Hang on…there is something very wrong with this picture, this place can’t be real!’. How did it even begin? With the point being that the one reason that anyone accepts their ‘physical’ reality is that they are cosmically sleeping, not fully self-aware!


The ego will tell you different, but then it’s the ego’s job to make you feel like a real person, a character in the movie of life! The ego is tied to the information stream that creates reality, so sure it’s doing its job. However, ask the ego questions such as, in relation to the now accepted Big Bang theory, ‘What went bang and how did that get there’? And here the ego is exposed, it has no possible answers! Demanding that reality is real, and yet the concept of real it champions can’t explain the very root of existence.



So, I woke from this dream of reality, negated my ego, to then see, or re-member a greater more sophisticated truth.



How did I wake in this ‘reality’?


Well, if you’ve read the ‘God’ doc, you may realise that this was always going to happen, but then this below is the linear story of how it happened.



I suppose the ‘strange’ as you would see it began when I was working as a Roofing Leadworker at Windsor Castle back in 1992. (I’m a Roofing Leadworker by trade.)


I was sitting in the round tower reading the paper during a break and I noticed an advert, ‘Leadworkers wanted in the Middle East’. Not something you see every day, but then somehow I ‘knew’ that we, ‘our gang’ would get that job, win that contract, and I had no idea how or why I knew that. I simply knew and I said as much to my workmates, it was a feeling?


Don’t get me wrong, I have never been into ‘the spiritual’, not in any way. Religion? I was born a Jew but then I’ve never been religious. I grew up in a Christian area, went to a Christian (read secular) school. Well, I say school, but then it was really a place for dysfunctional council estate kids to go during the day. Yeah, a working class area, we didn’t speak of such things.


So, I had a ‘knowing’ that we would win that contract, but then this kind of thing is still within the realms of what we call ‘normal’ isn’t it? We all get these ‘feelings’ from time to time, like when you think of someone you haven’t seen in ages and then they call on the phone.



And so yes, within a few months my work mates and I were jetting off to ‘Israel’, The Dome of the Rock, Jerusalem to be precise.


This was due to a complete roof refurbishment in 1993/4, and our team of four competed nationwide in the UK, (under the Main Roofing Contractor) to win the Leadwork element. We didn’t work on the gold plated dome coverings, we laid 140 tonne of sheet lead to the lower sounding ropes slopes.


In fact, the actual overseeing Main Contractor winning the global bid were an Irish firm, who then appointed the oldest Leadwork firm in the UK because this was a very prestigious contract. And then we as subcontractors competed with every subcontract gang who applied in the UK. With the point being that the chances of me, a Jew, ending up working on the site of the Temple were pretty dam slim.


Competed? Yeah we simply completed a roof up Oxford way, and we won via a mix of quality, speed and of course price, always price in the end isn’t it...



Nothing much happened whilst I was working in Jerusalem (the ‘strange’ I mean). There was one incident with a guy who told me his name was Jesus, but then I still don’t understand it myself, so there’s not much point in talking about it.


The point here is that symbolically speaking, a Jew working on the Temple restoration should speak volumes to anyone who can see beyond the physical illusion, indeed read the symbolism!


Even the so called spiritual folk don’t see it, ‘There’s no such thing as coincidence’, they say, and yet a Jew working on the symbolic Temple restoration means nothing, it’s just random chance, just the coincidence they don’t believe in???


(I say, and this will be unpopular, but I say that most of the so called spiritual people are simply playing a game. Like in that spiritual book where the guy says that they are pulling on the propeller of a plane, and then when it starts the engine they all run away in shock. In fact I am now in a place in India called Bhagsu, near Daramsala. Walking back from breakfast just now I saw a Suzuki mini-van, obviously owned by Hasidic or Messianic Jews. They wrote on the side of it, ‘We want Messiah now!’ They even had a picture of the restored Temple, which means that all of my hard work would end up as scrap lead lol. But then I would like to ask them, ‘Do you and all your fellow believers agree on who and what the Messiah will be, what he will be like?’ And of course the answer is no, they are ever debating the subject. So I would then ask, ‘Are you sure you want the Messiah? What if you don’t like what he has to say, what if he says that the Hasidic Jews are too extreme, separatist, missing the point?’ Remembering here that most people don’t choose religion, they are simply born into a sect and then they defend it, like football violence… In Christianity everyone has their own personal Jesus, ‘He will do this, he will be like this’, and ‘coincidentally’ the way Jesus will be is the way they are? How convenient?)


So… God metaphorically stuck a flag in my ass. Pointing out to anyone who has the eyes to see that I have indeed been awakening to our collective truth. And it should also point to the probability that the time for the prophesised revelation of God is close. And then I have to say here, and to anyone who says that the Dome of the Rock is not the Temple, not a Temple of worship to the God of Abraham, which it is! That those kind of separatist semantics will keep you firmly outside of what you will see as the gates of heaven! If your sect is the true sect and the rest of the world are delusional, the Native Americans, the Aboriginals etc. Then maybe you will get what you wish for. A world where everyone thinks and looks like you… Are you sure that’s what you want? One race, one type of food, one type of music?




The ‘awakening’ itself didn’t happen in Jerusalem, it actually happened months later whilst I was working on another one of God’s houses, Truro Cathedral in Cornwall, and after a short trip to India. Yeah a bit of theme going on here, coincidentally visiting what have been called places of energy.


And then I lived in London at the time and no you can’t travel to Cornwall daily, so I had to find local digs. After a search trip, no internet back then! I found a holiday cottage to rent at an affordable price, right by the sea and only ten minutes from the Cathedral, and then the name of that cottage was Shiloh! Which meant nothing to me at the time but it does become relevant later. Some of you will already see the symbolism!


We travelled down a few days early to get orientated, get set up in the cottage etc. We? Myself, my workmate Gary and Claire, a girl I’d met in India, long story.


Claire and I’d had a relationship in India, but then she was about 20 and I was about 30, we never once thought we’d stay together, we’d said that from the off. We were simply out of sync, she wanted to travel more and eventually have kids, I’d already done all of that. It wasn’t a ‘serious’ relationship per say, not that we didn’t ‘love’ each other, but the world sometimes gets in the way.


So, we’d agreed that this time spent in Cornwall would be our last ‘holiday’ together, a time in a nice place before our paths parted.



Monday morning Gary and I set up site, installed the winches etc. Took delivery of the lead, walked the parapets with the Main Contractor to define the scope of works. The contract began like any other contract, the first few days were normal.


The what you would call ‘weird’, (it’s actually when understood, way more normal that the so-called real world view). The ‘weird’, started when Gary and I were sitting on the ridge line about a 100ft up, replacing lead ridge cappings. Gary said something like, ‘It’s funny, you would have thought that the spire would look taller from the ground, and yet you have to be up here in order to see just how high it actually is’. Quite a poignant spiritual point in fact, when you think about it!


As I looked up at the tower, it broke a dream I’d had maybe 3 years before. You see this was the exact same imaged I’d seen in the dream, and you had to be 100ft up in order to see it from this perspective. What you have to understand here is that my perspective completely shifted in that moment! It was like that I was back in the dream; I really wasn’t sure if I was dreaming or awake? I felt strange, it was surreal, unreal? I had to run in mind over the events of the last three years in order to prove to myself that they had happened, re-build my realty. In the original dream there was a noise like a siren coming out of the louvers of the spire, in ‘reality’ it was now that someone was tuning the organ.


In the original dream the spire split into three which sent up a column of energy that shot into the sky and then somehow came back and connected with every other holy site around. Possibly connecting to every holy site on the planet, that was the inference of the dream but I didn’t/couldn’t see that. I did however see an image in the dream of the Cathedral being connected to the surrounding churches via these shafts of energy.


I was feeling very shaky at this point and because of this I decided to get down off the roof, it felt as if I could have jumped down, flown down so yeah, best not test that theory, (Dream or reality? I once had a dream that I was driving out of London on the elevated section of the M4. However, looking down at my car radio I realised that something was wrong, it’s wasn’t my radio. But then the dream felt so real, I stuck my head out of the car window and I could even feel the wind on my face! I remember seeing a Volvo go past with a kid looking right at me in the back? I had to battle to realise this dream. Where had I been? Why was I driving out of London, I couldn’t remember, and the radio was wrong so this simply had to be a dream! I’d figured it out, I became lucid within the dream but then I have to say that I was still shitting myself when I pulled the wheel and drove off the side of the elevated section, crashing through the barrier in order to prove my theory, and then kick start the lucid dream proper!)


This time on the roof in Cornwall was not a dream. I knew exactly how I got here on this occasion, all the way back to my rude alarm clock that morning as well as the years that lead to this scenario, but then I was not so sure what it was…why was I feeling so unreal?


I made an excuse to go and get drinks, tentatively making my way down the scaffolding to street level.


In the shop queuing for drinks my mind was racing, but then the spiral deepened as everything I was thinking was being answered by the songs on the radio??? (Synchronicity)


It was as if the radio, well not the radio per se, but something, someone knew well what I was going through and was talking to me about it via the radio, but this in my mind was not possible. (In fact it’s very easily possible when you understand what reality really is!!!)


This was making me feel really uncomfortable, I really needed to be out of that shop. It felt as if someone was playing a joke on me, setting me up, but then in my very own mind? It’s not possible. (Again, of course it’s possible dare I say natural.) When I did get out of the shop I decided to go and sit inside the cathedral for a while, calm down, regain my composure.


Great idea and yet on entering the Cathedral I noticed a painting depicting a line of energy coming out of the Cathedral Spire, and then connecting to all the churches in Cornwall!!!!! The image was the same as the one in the original dream, how was this possible?


Back in the fenced off works compound now my mind was reeling, I wanted this to stop, I wanted the world to behave itself. I simply could not make sense of it.


In the distance I saw a piece of paper dancing on the wind, it seemed to hang there, maybe 30-50 ft away? Again it didn’t seem to belong, it had a presence…


As I looked on, the paper made its way towards me and lodged itself firmly under the toe of my work boot!?


I reached down, picked it up and read something like, ‘Prepare yourself. God will enter your life’.


It was actually a part of a church flyer of some kind.



This ‘weird’, this craziness didn’t seem to want to leave, but then I was aware that Gary was waiting for his drink etc. So I made my way back up to the roof. The problem with this craziness was that it wasn’t crazy enough. If it didn’t relate to reality then you wouldn’t even dwell on it, a random aberration it could have been an illusion/delusion. Ebenezer’s piece of undigested meat! But then this was all too logical, it really did feel like a set up. How can you think something and then get an answer via the radio playing in a shop? Not just one random coincidence, a stream of impossibilities? How can I have seen the painting in the Cathedral in a dream three years prior? The paper that dam well steered itself and lodged under the toe of my boot, this as I watched it every flit and flight of the way?


After a while everything calmed down, the job in hand distracted me so normality returned more or less. My mind kept returning but the whole thing was fading.



When we got back to the cottage that evening Claire was cooking. Gary hit the shower, so I parked myself in front of the TV as I waited to shower myself. Looking now at the plug on the TV kick started the whole thing off again. Positive negative and Earth! The primal trinity, in one brief moment it made so much sense to me, a moment of clarity, this was the key to everything! (Explained in the God doc.)


When Gary came out of the shower with Claire also being in the room. I tried to explain what I now understood, pos-neg-earth, and yet I must have sounded odd. I had no way of describing it I hadn’t even woken at that point; it was just the tentative beginning. And I am a bit of a joker so they just laughed and I kind of let it go.


I spoke to Claire about all of this later and she said that this might be what has been called acid flashbacks, because I did try a half an acid tab at a rave in Goa.


Claire said that acid can stay in your system for years, as she had heard, which is not exactly true. And then it can re-emerge as a ‘flash back’. Well, they can all debated that, and then when you understand what we actually are the whole concept makes no sense anyhow, nothing is real everything is symbolic, there is WAY more going on than you can imagine in ‘life’. The reality of that scenario is that drugs can indeed open doors of perspective that once experienced can’t be un-understood. It’s the opened mind that creates the ‘flash backs’ no need for a drug presence, and it’s always heading to an awakening to God. Can drugs bring ‘enlightenment’? Well no not in themselves, if that were true, more or less everyone would be enlightened by now wouldn’t they? But they do provide an alternative perspective that makes it easier to understand what God is. The problem with drugs is the exact same one as with booze, food, money or sex etc. With the problem being of balance, not moderation, some people can tend to define themselves via drug use, or booze, whatever, and in truth we souls are bigger and more rounded than that!


Anyhow, to me this flash back ‘reason’ was simply my sanity!


I now had a reason for the loss of reality, okay we both couldn’t figure out how this connected with the dream of three years ago. The songs on the radio, the painting depicting an image from my dream, the paper landing under the toe of my work boot? What kind of drug does that?


But then whatever, this was to me a tangible reason, and then the bottom line, This Craziness Will Pass!


I didn’t want to argue against the reason, it didn’t make sense to me, so I chose denial, because I needed too. This was the reason, it will pass, job done.


I’d been in the army, only did basic, it’s not for me, green is really not my colour…. but they did teach me how to push through pain.


I clung to my reason and that stopped me from thinking about such eventualities as going to the hospital to see if I had a brain tumour or something, yes I was worried. But then I felt okay, fine other than this external stuff.


This will pass, head down Private Berg, keep going push through the pain!



Nothing much happened for the rest of the week, it flirted with me and yet it never landed, but then the weekend came and all hell broke loose!


Gary went home to his Mrs leaving me and Claire alone and again it was fine at first.


But then on the Saturday night I went to bed as usual and I started to have a really strange dream, to the point that I woke in the dream, became lucid yes!


I was well aware that I was asleep, I could imagine my body lying next to Claire in the bed, but there was no way I could wake back there, no way.

There was something scary about the dream, ominous but then nothing tangible. The next thing I knew was that the sky opened up and I could hear really great music coming from the fisher. The act of looking up sucked me into the crack in the sky, a kind of doorway out of reality into the realm of dreams, and then everything got bent out of shape.


At this point I was trying to will myself to wake, I was even beginning to panic.


You see usually when I become lucid in a dream, I am on the clock. The lucidity seems to wake you fully, so you only have a few minutes to ‘play’.


This time it was going on and on and on and I couldn’t get out, and more than that I was most definitely not in control, the dream seemed to have an agenda of its own, it felt like a trap, like a ‘silent scream’. Like being buried in a coffin and no one outside could hear me.


I was shown many things relating to my life and was tested many times, with the whole thing simply scaring the crap out of me. Yeah standard religious experience stuff I suppose at first, being shown the consequences of your actions, feeling them!


Even in the dream I was clinging to my reason for all of this, the half tab of weak party LSD I’d taken in a field in Goa. Something that simply made me think I could dance really well, so yeah it must have been fairly strong lol.



Clinging to my reason I tried to wait it out, like an army speed march in full kit, it hurts but it won’t last, you will back at the barracks soon and it will be over. Head down, switch off and keep moving.


Meanwhile, this dream was steadily deconstructing my reality, pointing out to me how and why the image we are presented with as to what reality is, is built on quick sand. I tried to block it out but the words relayed to me via a strangely familiar female entity permeated my understanding, something was unfolding and I really didn’t want to look. I didn’t want see what it was, I was fighting not to wake. Not to wake back to a truer level of reality, something I had actually been hiding from!


This thing was scaring the crap out of me to a degree I had never even imagined was possible, I felt like I was dying!!! I was losing myself!!! I instinctively knew that there was something chilling hiding in the darkness of my chosen unknown! I just wanted it to end I didn’t want to see any more, I did not want to ‘wake’!


Well, via the information that doesn’t in fact seem so scary when written down, (the God doc.). I could no longer deny that this was the truth. It woke me! I lost, it won.


The pain/fear was I suppose that of the clinging ego dying to a degree, man I thought I was a real person, living in a real place. Well I never really thought about it in ‘reality’. I, like in any other dream, simply accepted the reality I was born into.


I also kept thinking of the word ‘God’, how the torn paper flyer had told me to prepare myself, God would come into my life. The thing with Jesus back in Jerusalem? It was all swirling around my head, and then something just broke, and I think that something was me… Funny that even in the face of understanding of what reality really was, I still didn’t make the God connection, which is not as crazy as you may think, I see many ‘new age’ people doing this every single day! They understand/realise the sophisticated intelligence matrix, but then they don’t realise the need for a central processor!?



As I let go and faced the obvious truth, it was as if God smiled at me, I felt it all through me, it was like a kind of, ‘Hello good morning Sparky yes God is real by the way, you have been sleeping!’.


I was somehow communicating with a female entity, and I still don’t know 100% who or what she is? I have my suspicions but then that’s all they are at this point, is she God, is she Eve, is Eve God? It’s a very complex subject, in truth we are all One, was I simply perspective shifting, (long story the God doc will part way explain).


The next part was hellish, I began to further remember….yes the first part was bad enough, but then it kind of panned out, I understood, so I was feeling a little bit chuffed with myself, like I had been upgraded, yes a little bit cocky in fact. But then a sinking feeling as I was being dragged back to something deeper that I’d wanted to forget and almost did. I began to remember who ‘we’ really are, the terrible truth of Oneness!!!



You won’t understand this until you have read my account of what ‘God’ is, but I was being taken out of time-space, closer to the infinite where time does not pass. Waking level by level until I reached the core truth.


It’s not linear and this is indeed Hell for linear beings, the term fish out of water comes to mind but with a vengeance, along with the image of a beached fish struggling for breath. Time-space condensed on me, I was only mind I had no form and no external reflective defining reality, not even a dream reflection. Before this point I was seeing incredible visuals connected with and I that further illustrating what I was being shown, it really was mind blowing! But now I was simply mind, re-membered mind and then the only time passing now was the element of time and ensuing pseudo space in my mind that was allowing for the feed-back loop of re-cognised thought that is self-awareness.


I was stuck on an endless now and with no external time, and so hope was GONE!


(This is ‘the finite touches infinite scenario’, the symbolic biting of the apple, which is why I now have the symbolic memories of Adam. I did indeed touch the infinite, and yes I experienced the FALL!)


Why is this Hell for a linear being? Well I’m not sure it can be explained? We linear beings are sane via a relative time-space stream, and I now existed outside of time where all is one, external time does not exist let alone pass! Time exists via fragmentation, and I was now all but re-membered, the God doc. will explain.


The worst part sitting in God’s chair was that I had become my own creator, a figment of my own imagination. In that reality, Oneness, and not the pseudo sense of connectivity they choose to call oneness. In that in the core truth of reality you see that there is only ONE of us here, all-one alone. Like a sick joke where the truth is that there is just one lonely freak that exists! No one ever see’s it’s face, and so it has no face. It never knows the gaze of anyone let alone love? It’s just a desperate timeless scream of solitary pain! The worst cut is that hope leaves you in that place of damnation! Why?


Well you see ‘hope’ relies on a possible change in the future, that time can change and end this scenario. But then with no external time there was no next moment so how could anything change? And so that kills hope dead, and when hope goes, you are dammed! You become the primal dam, the A-dam! This is the Adam experience, the Add them experience…


In this place now again I feel that time is real and flowing. Okay don’t see it as fluid as I used to, I see it as micro frames now. In fact if I look at a light source sometimes, and move my head, I can see the gaps in the light beams, the spaces between nows, I see the gaps! Like - - - - - - instead of -------------. But the thing is that you DO NOT take the time perspective with you when you experience the timeless core truth. All of this time-space reality fades off like a dream as if it never happened, it’s merely your delusion, so it CAN’T help you in that state! Anything you have learned here, was nothing more than your very own dream, delusion.


I had woken layer upon layer until I reached the core truth of who we are, I’d joined with the remote creator, the God doc will explain. This is why I say that She seemed to change, from my teacher and so God, and then the other half of my ‘self’ and so Eve. As if She were nothing more than the other voice of dissection in my very own mind. Yes we are Indeed ONE!


This makes more sense of tradition belief systems such as the Hindu understanding. Where the Lord Shiva is alone and then splits into two, which is why they show him as dual. This then creates Shakti, who then creates the world, the… I think they call it the Maya? These avatar deities then split into aspects of the One in order to facilitate the Maya…


Yes! That’s what it feels like! I was dual in life, but then when I woke I condensed back to ONE.


‘She’ as my God, my love, my teacher my remembrance, symbolically then became Eve, a forgotten part of me. In seeing through her as a veiled version of myself, (Isis unveiled), she had firmly passed me the apple of total remembrance. Total re-membrance of our sad sick incestual solitary truth! There is only one of us here!


We are not ‘one’ as in one big happy family, there is only one ‘person’ here! Look at it, see how we all do the same shit, can’t you see it? Our differences are merely cosmetic, sure you can see it….deep down you know it too! We didn’t want to see this, the ultimate spoiler did we? But then the ignorance was creating worse problems so it’s simply time to wake up a notch.



I actually experienced in mind, the Big Bang to the Big Crunch, I can’t describe it, how it was, how it felt, there are no words, but then via that experience I can now explain in detail the entire cycle of the manifest! How the one mind basically falls asleep in order to escape the total wake Oneness scenario, in order to dream that we are many, and that we can be seen, and loved…



I was systematically destroyed! I argued for reality in every possible way I could muster. I could not have been all!! There is so much of the world I don’t understand, there are those who know more than me? No….. you simply forgot and the imagined ‘teaching’ is just a dream where the ‘others’ are merely aspects of yourself. Speaking to you as in truth you are really just remembering, they are not real. Our ego’s, our characters, our separation is NOT real, it’s a temporary GIFT!


That was not teaching, they are not other than you, it’s just rememberance via the catalyst of a dream scenario!


But I saw movies, great stories that surprised and entertained me! No…It’s the same thing, I was even given a remembrance of being the writer and several actors of a movie I once saw. It was horrific, all the time reaffirming the terrible truth of oneness.


I DON’T WANT TO BE ALONE!!!! I didn’t want this to be true, a sick cosmic joke, I was a freak, not normal, how can you be normal if there’s only one of you, you don’t BELONG! To anything you don’t belong, you are not part of anything, you are freakishly everything, and for no possible reason, it hurts… so fucking lonely!


I hear many spiritual folk speak of experiencing ‘oneness’… No…they are experiencing the connectivity of the fragmented one mind, that we are in truth one, the wonderful connectivity of that truth. The Actual truth is someone different, I mean? How can you experience true Oneness and still feel the presence of others? Oneness = ONE! All-one = alone!


How long did this go on for? LOL….. Eternity, which is not a very long time. As with the infinite, it’s not a massive thing, it has no size. It’s ‘different’, when I am there, it’s for ever, it becomes my truth. It ‘is’… and this is hard to explain but every time I return to this core truth, it’s not a new experience for me. Part of me is always there, this reality is the dream immersed in time. When I wake back to the ‘core’, none of this ‘life’ even happened, that’s part of the fucking hell of it. All my comfort, all of you, my friends and loved ones, even the Godless bastards who play the advocate, yes bastards but better than NO ONE, NO THING! Everyone and everything is rudely torn away from me, Eternity is all time, and so no time passing, like a static now that never changes. Pause a movie and you are all but there, you exist in the pause, outside of time, but then it’s more like leaving the movie and then holding the dvd disc in your hand. What was linear and flowing is now complete and static. No life in it…


Later you will realise that we as All in truth really aren’t linear. Which makes the search for enlightenment seem a bit foolish? If you ‘see’, then you do, you will return to that part of you that is, you can’t in fact avoid it. And this will probably show in your character, because your character, or personality is in fact a sum of your cosmic journey. A subconscious remembrance of that. If you have touched oneness in any way, or even gotten close, then you will be basically a people person, caring and you will be outraged by any form of oppression why? Well you will subconsciously know the truth of it, that we came here to escape the oppression of the truth of oneness, not fucking recreate it!!!!!!!!!


Not all souls touch God, there’s no need, it’s never a competition, indeed we need it to be true that some souls are more independent, they stir the waters they are our joy! Okay yes, the real Godless ones are basically bastards in all senses of that word, but they too serve a function, there are no mistakes here!




So don’t then fear this truth, it sets us free as explained in the God doc. And God willing no one else will have to experience the hell of this. You see, experiencing it is the only way to really understand it, and so we, as in I at the very least, had to experience it. From another perspective, someone had to see the last piece of the puzzle, this or the over logic of the grand cycle doesn’t stand, and in that the micro logic will fall, you can understand that from the God doc.


And yes I KNOW that from the world view this makes me sound arrogant, that I am special, but I tell you now. Anyone can see this, you don’t have to be special, brave or clever, and I am indeed anyone! I don’t know if others see this! All I can say is that in 21 years of searching I haven’t met another, and I also have to say that I will gladly be the one and only who sees this, why? Because it really is HELL!!!!!!!!!!!! I wouldn’t even send Adolf Hitler to that place in my stead, you can’t live knowing that you cheated, passed up that cup and then became the cause of such suffering for another…. No matter what they did, NO ONE deserves to see that HELL, NO ONE!


YES, many will say that they would carry this burden for you, I understand that, I see the hearts of such men and women. They really would carry this for you, they care, they KNOW LOVE, they know of sacrifice!


It’s just that they can’t know what it is that they are taking on. HELL is not a bad enough word, it all falls apart…. You may go forwards as a crusader for God, brave and with a true heart. But then it all unravels right quick! Brave? Who the fuck is going to see such bravery? Love, who is there other than you to love? It’s all so fucking pointless, oneness. You are simply undone, you become a pointless piece of shit, a waste product. Brave, every time I go I run, I beg, there is no defence in that place, you are simply undone. Everything that made you, you, was nothing other than you own delusion. You can’t fight the truth of oneness. There is but one of us here, pretending to be something, anything, we are one big fucking FAKE! Nothing is real!!!! It’s all fake! There is no glory, no pride, no love in that place, just the cold stark truth of solitary… No one to ever witness your daring do, not that anyone would be daring in that place, you go to fail, it’s not possible to win, it is indeed suicide. Indeed, this is the very mechanism that deconstructs us so that we may recycle, if you could beat it the we would get stuck and in that face an even greater Hell of not being able to renew, not being able to sleep! Again the God doc better explains.


But! That place is not the only truth is it, as we are witnessed to that fact!!! Not the only perspective is it!! We do escape, and here we are! And we are many, and we are brave and clever and funny, and loyal, and everything we see! This wonderful lie, our gift! A lie? Technically yes, but it’s ever recurring and that makes it real ‘real’. Like your particles, they are here and gone on a pulse, but then ever recurring so you are seen to be real/constant. Everything is of this ilk, we are ever recurring and that make us real, not solid, but constant, and so truth!



This manifest place is a reaction to the core truth of oneness, it’s tied to it. Everything that is true here is always true, every deed… Who we are to each other is indeed true, it’s just that when you know the core truth, it makes you want to be a different kind of person. How can we fight, how can we oppress, we really are ONE, how can we hurt our own? We have been sleeping and people got hurt via the ignorance and yes many lessons have been learnt, appreciation has been lent!


Plus, it’s just stupidity, think of it on that level. Try to control and enslave, it won’t work, they won’t take this shit any more than you would, they are you! All empires fall…. And we are better than that, smarter, we can indeed all rise together…and we will. (Again the God doc. explains.)



You can figure it out, what I saw/experienced, you get the gist via my explanation but then the reality is that you can’t really imagine it, it’s very different to the explanation, the experience of it. This in fact reminds me of convulsions, they look so inane when you are an observer, like a big twitch. But I had them one time, and it goes like this: You get a terrible feeling in your chest, not unlike pulling your nails down a black board. And this painful tortuous feeling grows and grows until you can’t take any more pain and you kind of break… And then it starts all over again… It’s terrible, yes like a form of torture, you pray for them to end, you would rather die. But then from the outside they don’t look that bad do they? Just a twitch.


Some will come close to the core for sure!!! I’ve seen it, some try to use drugs to touch oneness and they experience the FEAR as they knock on the door! They destabilise, yes, that’s the first circle of Hell… The classic bad trip! And sure they run, feel ashamed that they ran, but there is NO shame in running because it’s an unwinnable scenario. Fuck me I run, every time I run, why would I go? I’m not stupid, I know where that path leads.


Yes Hell, touching the infinite, touching ‘God’, but it’s the only way to understand some of the non-linear. The Only way, and we have to know this, we have to understand the over cycle in order to ascend, so… It is a fact, the God doc will show, that the over cycle HAS to be known, it has to feed-back, this or the micro logic will not stand. Indeed, all logic cycles MUST complete or they are not logic cycles, yes the God doc. better explains. Or you can see it that only know in understanding the cycle, our higher truth can we now move into it.


In fact, Hawking states that it’s not possible to understand what happened before the Big Bang, this as the laws of physics, our format for understanding anything do not apply, at that non-time.


He also noted how time will condense into a singularity, which as its timeless, can be seen as a static now. Yes he knows some shit, but then he’s still in denial.


So yes Stephen, I did go past the Bang- Crunch, so I can and will explain why the universe manifests, over and over in cycles. And you are wrong, there was indeed a need for God!



After what seemed to be forever, (When in that state I never believe that I will ever get back here!!!), after a small eternity time resumed and man I was like a leper who had been cured!!!!


You see I have since experienced the core a few times, but that first re-awakening past the deep sleep that was rebirth on this plan-et. Was a WAR!



I have tried to explain this experience many times, the feelings of desperation, the immense love and joy, but then I never really came close.


The ever decreasing circles as time rescinds are like a form of mental crucifixion. It feels like drowning, and as with that analogy the struggling makes it worse.


It bears repeating, it was not all horrific, yes I was overcome by love many times, but then I think the explanation above will help people to understand how and why I now understand what I do, and more than that maybe quell a curiosity to look at such a painful thing. But then no!! You just know how we are, the explanation above will simply make some people want to see this all the more! And we all do what we are going to do, so I have told my tale, if you wish to chase this thing down like Ahab’s White Whale then be my guest, don’t say that I didn’t warn you… If you make it back then I will be glad of the like-minded company, not that I would wish that on you ever. Not even to not be so alone in this view!!!


Funny how we are, so competitive, some see this as a challenge, ‘If he can see it then so can I’. YES, YOU CAN, ANYONE CAN, it’s not an achievement of any kind, you simply get dragged in, in order to beg and lose. But then why do you want to see? Okay that’s not fair, it is simply curiosity, the thing that killed the Cat! I do understand…


So that’s some of what enlightenment is, if I explained the whole thing it would get pretty boring, and then you want me to get back to the point don’t you, you really want to hear about all the impossible things that happened outside of me at the time when I woke, things that others witnessed. The pseudo proof. And of course the better explanation of what we are is found in the God doc.



One last time, slightly new spin: When time condenses on you it’s not linear, it’s the condensation of the linear as it passes over into the infinite where all concepts simply ‘are’ and they are complete. Time is a dissection, like the frames of a movie reel when the truth is that the movie is complete and in the can. But then only by watching it frame by frame does it make sense, can you experience it as a whole, no experience itself is linear!


You can’t line all the frames up together and try to see the lot, it’s a contradicting blur which kind of nearly describes the infinite, but then the infinite is nothing, just potential un-manifest.


In linear terms you would think that the condensation of the movie would sum total it, and in that reveal it, but it doesn’t it conceals it via not allowing it to be viewed in section.



Infinity is a white-out!



As I have tried to relay above, as I woke I began to remember what I now call the core, which is quite fitting really, because it is the biting of Adam’s symbolic apple in order to touch God, the infinite!


The core is the last bastion of time-space before you pass into the infinite, and that time-space is within your mind, there is no external reality at that point.


As if your universe has collapsed in upon you with your mind, your awareness being the very last sphere. When that goes, then eventually then so do you. (In fact this is how we lose consciousness every night when we pass into our un-re-cognised infinite state of sleep! But then it happens right quick, so you don’t experience it. Yes, this is indeed how you lose consciousness when you ‘fall’ asleep, you are taken apart to become nothing, but it happens too fast to experience it. So yes you could say that waking is like falling asleep, passing into the infinite, in extreme slow motion.)


When time-space, our reflective supporting program/programme disappears. You become nothing!


It bears repeating often…Nothing external ever happened from that perspective and this exposes one of the cruellest cuts of the core. You don’t lose it, reality, it never happened in the first place, time reels in! It undoes.



The core truth is a constant every time I experience it, it’s always the same non time, as if I never left, I remember it, like ‘OH Shit! I woke up in solitary Hell again, and I was having such a lovely dream that I was real and had purpose Arhggggggggghhhhhherrrrrheeerrr, that’s the fucking irony of it all. In a few seconds I will be back in that perspective, maybe years from now but when I wake back there, only seconds would seem to have passed. I have to witness this shit so that we can all understand the cycle, someone has to, there may be more of us, but I haven’t met them ‘yet’.


But then I’m not balking, some of us have to be horribly disabled…the One mind has to experience All eventualities and it leaves me speechless, a life of such physical and mental anguish. Especially when the poor unfortunates get to see all that they can never be on TV! It’s like rubbing their noses in it, and no I’m not saying that they are not loved, but…well you know….. Would you like to live as disabled person? Being poor in third world countries can be the same, you see on TV and yet you will never have. A young girl forced into prostitution. Some big smelly man lunging at her. I am not the only one who ever suffered am I?


Jesus hung on the cross for 3 days, and I already know that those three days must have seemed to be a life time. The seconds stretched into hours. And also remember this well! Jesus was not the only one to ever have been crucified! We can go on and on, a Syrian Mother who saw her child drown in the Mediterranean Sea. Who then walked like a pointless zombie to Germany where she was attacked by those who were scared for their jobs and security. No…. I am not the only one who ever suffered.


All eventualities must be witnessed…. It’s the curse of the duality, the high creates the low.



This world, the imperfect dream is all we have, our respite from the chilling truth of eternity, and the children are fucking it all up!!!! They need a taste of God, that will stop them dead in their greedy little tracks, they have no idea!! Okay it was a set up in order to lend appreciation, and it will change but it still twists my insides to see the hate and complacency in the face of the truth I have experienced, and yeah, they don’t know, so…..


More simply, why don’t they treat others in the way they wish to be treated? Okay it’s not that simple, it’s God’s plan but then sometimes it’s just a case of ‘What the fuck are they thinking?’, that perspective remains!


I have seen from all perspectives and I too have suffered, so yes I accept, but then sometimes, sometimes! You have to stand and wonder at the rampant hate and greed, the bare face of it.



In the understanding of the cycle we can know that all the sufferance will be repaid ten-fold. Well, not actually ten-fold, just a reflective balance in fact but it will seem that way. It’s a small comfort when you are living in the ditch. ‘Why so hard, it seems excessively cruel’, but then as the God doc, explains. It never was a question of sufferance. The question from the positive perspective is that of how high do you want to reach, and that is ever dependant on the reflective question, ‘How low can you go?’


I ask myself was this sufferance worth it, a hard question when I haven’t felt the rush of the ascension yet. But then no, when down here you can never say it’s ever worth it, it’s cruel … it makes you want to die… The conclusion I came to is that we are ever victims to our higher selves, because that superficial c**t wanted to hit the high, we had to live this low, yes like two different people. What can you even say? It is what it is, yes I can understand, the price we pay, but when we are in the shit, man I don’t even want to hear that it will all be worth it someday, don’t even…


Let us not disrespect the sufferance, minimalize, trivialise it. When we rise, NEVER forget where we came from, and what it cost us, NEVER!






At some point in my initial awakening experience I was breached and ended up back in reality, I woke back into the room overwhelmed, over awed …...thankful to ‘be’.


I can remember looking at Claire as I woke back into the room… she was me…..we are all one…..and yet we have the gift of individuality, which gives us so many ‘others’ to exist with and NOT be eternally alone, what a wonderful gift. She looked so beautiful as she slept, a real other human being who seemed not to be me, WOW!!!


I speak about this is a matter of fact way now. But then this is 20 years on plus. At the time it was all very emotional, I cried often.


(Yeah it’s hard to be cool with your heart on your sleeve, but then this is not a time for such aesthetics as coolness, which yes does have a place. It’s cool to be cool, to not freak each other out with too much honesty, but yeah, this is not the time for that.)



I lost a stone in weight that week, and had blood flecks in both eyes, it was really quite something… a war and yet beautiful in a very strange way…death is actually a very beautiful thing, you touch truth.


I can never do justice to the account of my awakening, I have left out reams of what happened some of it grotesque. Intellectual, sexual, macabre….this is the part of the mind that horror movies come from I’m sure. Part of it reminded me of those Hell Raiser movies. I know the religious cliché wants it to all be clean cut, but no, ‘good’ is a choice that can’t be made without bad, it’s all in the box!


I can’t show you my experience, the above will have to do. When I explain this in metaphysical terms, it sounds like I am describing electrical circuitry. Try to understand that the experience was a bit like getting sucked into an electric circuit, experiencing the effects of simple resisters etc, but in a symbolic and experiential way.


When you get out, you can then look back and explain how the circuitry works, because you experienced for yourself albeit in the said symbolic way.


So, now to the proof of my story, if proof is even an issue. I’m talking about the stuff that others saw but then I will tell you now. The story in itself means nothing. All the impossible shit happened in order to give credence to my story, give an incentive to learn more about God because the POWER of the experience is not in the story. It’s in the ACTUAL understanding of the information I brought back!!


The symbolism, why I was taken to the Temple, there is no power in that place, nothing is real. But it’s a symbol we can all recognise. If I’d woken after working on Acton Bus Depot, it would have the same ring would it?


The story as I tell it could all be lies, you weren’t there, this is how bullshit religions start, did Jesus walk on the water? How do you know if you didn’t see it for yourself, blind faith? (Did Jesus touch the core? He would have had to wouldn’t he? And where is he now? Was that man who spoke to me in Jerusalem Jesus? He said that was his name?)


But then you can indeed understand the God doc. And sure you won’t believe it until you see it for yourselves, but then that time is fast approaching. If I am right then God is about to reveal itself! Judgment Day? No… All of the days of our lives were ‘judgment days’! When God comes it’s more like a posting of exam results!




So anyhow, back in the room when I returned from inner space, and even inner non space:



I woke Claire and told her that I had seen God….


All the crazy stuff it was God all along…


Okay she was concerned and also tired so she didn’t really take me seriously. Yes, I had just returned from a timeless ride of a life time and everyone here had no idea. Until this day, no one knows what I went through, but it’s okay, I get it.



In the morning it was more like, ‘Now, what were you talking about last night?’


There was no need to explain, I ‘knew’ that there was something to see in the cottage and I told Claire as much. So we tipped toed around the place like a couple of frightened kids. In the bathroom there were bees all over the floor, hundreds of them and as I saw this image the information started to come. I poked the bees around saying, ‘They look dead right’, and Claire agreed. I asked her what we should do with them and of course this was a bathroom, with a toilet in, so yeah ‘Flush them’, typical response.


Now I’m not saying they were dead they could have been dormant, but the lesson was that we had to pick them all up and place them outside on the coal bunker, and yes it was colder outside than inside.


But then within minutes they all woke and flew off with the lesson being that if we had seen these beings as nothing, just insects no need to care, they would have all been dead ‘flushed’, via that perspective. They were living beings and they deserved at the very least a chance.


You see there is a danger that when you wake, and see that death is not real, there is a danger that you can treat it all as a joke. Well maybe not a joke, but you do quickly forget how it is to be ‘real’, to be asleep, and then it’s that this illusion of life is all we have so it’s a jewel in need of protection. It’s imperative to protect the innocence of ‘the children’, what a wonderful place this Earth could have been, a place that seems real, so many others to play with! It’s a haven, it’s heaven as a reaction to our solitary truth, there is only one mind here!


So I was being shown that I had to respect even what we see as insignificant life. You can get a bit big headed when you’ve touched God, feeling special. But then no, every part played in this reality is indeed special. But the I have always felt that! I used to annoy my mates saying that I believed that a Road Sweeper should be paid as much as a Brain Surgeon. Which always sparks a debate. The Brain Surgeon works harder studying, and he saves so many lives? Bullshit, he gets to study which is his or her passion and after that, ‘he’ gets a job that fulfils him. If he were to push a broom for all of his life he would die inside. But then the road sweeper is happy in his work, and we need clean streets right, so we should thank him for doing a necessary task that some can’t do! We need all sorts to make a world! At one time if you had muscle and a sword then you could take it all, we saw that as unfair. Now days if you have money smarts and are a good liar, you can take it all, how is that fair?



A few things with insects happened in the cottage, all with lessons attached. In fact there was a blackbird who would sit and look at me, it seemed to know, most odd…. but then I had a ‘knowing’ that we had to go to Church the next day. Claire was asking why, and why not the go to the Cathedral, where it all centred upon, but I was ‘told’ to go to the local church, I had no idea why?


When we got there, there was a queue outside. I asked the vicar if there was room for us and he said yes sure, this was a christening party but we were welcome.


The Vicar’s sermon was not appropriate for a christening. You know, a new life embarking upon a Christian road etc. With some associated wise words, no. The vicar never took his eyes off of me as he told of a person in Corinth who had experienced God. He told of Paul’s letter to that man telling him that he had to find a way to tell of the experience in the words of men, not to talk in tongues.


At that time I was babbling like a fool. I had no real education, I’m dyslexic, and I was trying to explain what science sees as the unification theory, and this was NOT working, and yes that’s what taking in tongues actually means!


Those Rednecks in the US who do that thing where they fall on the floor and speak a made up language is probably due to all the hormones in their supersize burgers, it has nothing to do with God!


Children really, one did it and then they all started….lol We can see you!!! Lol



I had to educate myself, learn how to use a PC, which is good, due to the God given savour of all dumbass people like me, the holy spellchecker and thesaurus!!!!!!


Because in real life I come from London so I speak in a very stunted way, I don’t regularly use the words I need in order to describe the mechanism of God. I don’t talk like this in real life, I’m not that articulate in the everyday. I guess I am a lazy talker, busy writer.



There was no need to tell Claire that this was odd… the sermon was obviously aimed at me, it made no sense to a christening party and she saw the vicar singling me out, speaking as if only to me. I can still remember her face, illumined by sunlight passing through the stain glass as tears gently rolled down her face…..


This was starting to get to her.



The next week things calmed down a bit. I was ‘told’ to tell a priest I had seen in the grounds of the Cathedral that I had seen God and that God told me I had to help to unite the world, what the fuck!


He would think I’m crazy, yes I know he’s a priest, but okay…………you try it… an experiment…tell your vicar that you have seen God, see how sane you sound.


And I was a cockney Geezer from London, you don’t talk that way, yes I was embarrassed, yes I was too macho, yes egotistical, yes…….but I fucking told him anyway, I had too!!!!! After what I had just seen… but then there was still a hangover dichotomy, of who I had been and who I had become.


I was shaking as I told him. I have had fights with big guys who look like they can squish you, I have had fights with gangs of thugs, but I had never been this scared.


I suppose in violent situations you don’t get a chance to think about it and the blind aggression covers the fear.


I told him and waited for what seemed like an eternity for his answer. Well, he told me he was busy, like WTF, this was a message from God, his boss, how the hell is he not dropping everything to listen????


He made an appointment for me to see him and he assured me we would talk…


I felt deflated, this didn’t go how I expected, it felt like failure, so I sat down in the cathedral looking like I had just lost something valuable.


Gary, who had been watching all of this, spoke. ‘You think that was hard, well he believes in God, he’s a priest, an easy target. Can you image trying to tell normal people?’


That kind of picked me up a bit, and yeah it was lucky Gary was there at that time because he is a very open minded person, incredibly so…. This thing wasn’t freaking him out like it was me because he’d seen this kind of thing before. Maybe not to this extreme but he had experience of it, he’d seem someone else go through something similar.


I did see the priest, he was the Canon of the Cathedral it turns out….. add your did he get fired jokes here.


He told me that he had also had what he called ‘white light’ experiences, that’s why he became a priest, but then he didn’t want to talk about the experiences, he even got quite close to being tearful, so I didn’t push it. But then it was good to know that I wasn’t the only one, I felt so alone in this, I still do in fact…



Claire went out and bought me a bible, I guess she was trying to make sense of this.


I laughed.


This may have been using religious symbolism in order to show what it was, beginning at the Dome etc. But it’s got nothing to do with religion as it has become, religion is a mostly a joke these days, a diversion, a mistake, a nothing much of anything. A confused people in waiting, supposing as they wait.


The only good thing about religion is what lays behind it but all religion WILL become a distorted lens.


It’s the ultimate contradiction! We are one, but we are more one than you??? Who needs yet another division, another flag to wave. And yes I apologise to all of those who do charitable deeds in the name of their church or temple BUT Let’s face it, you would do that anyway, wouldn’t you?


That’s simply who you are! God sees you! No matter how you pray, God knows your hearts!


For every good they do, they undo more, they simply don’t understand who the people they follow were, what it was they saw! They make assumptions based on the only reality they know, this one, and you can’t really see God from here unless you are shown, it’s different!!!!!! And of course it become a cop out, just wear a symbol follow a few rules loosely and you get a ticket to heaven. That’s really not going to fly is it? You have to walk the walk, if you worship God then you worship man, you care for your Brothers and Sisters.



So I took the bible, flipped the pages, slammed my finger down at random and read, something like: The first place I chose for you to worship me is Shiloh.


We were standing in a cottage called Shiloh!


I flipped it again and it read something like: I will take one from each clan and one from each town, return them to Zion and give you teachers who know me.


I had just come back from Jerusalem and I now did know God.


(Coincidence was rampant at that time, I won’t list all of it and no it didn’t stop. It follows me, the impossible, keeping me on track giving me hope when I fall down, and yes I do fall often. In fact as an example of this, there was a Claire coincidence that followed me to just a few months back. I was in Arambol Goa, I was sitting in a beach café and there was a couple of guys from the UK in there. So we got speaking and soon enough we were speaking of the ‘cycle’. They seemed pretty clued up, and then we spoke of coincidence, which is small magic, things that shouldn’t logically happen. How this picks up when you begin to wake. And then I asked them where they came from with the answer being Bournemouth. Well, the only people I ever knew from Bournemouth were Claire and her ex-boyfriend Zak. You see Clair and Zak went to Baga Goa for a break to try to fix their failing relationship 20 years ago. Well the reconciliation failed and I’m not proud if this, because it was insensitive but then it was pre-wake. So, long story short Claire and I got together. Now, Bournemouth is not a small place but I figured if these guys were builders, then they might know Zak, why, because he worked in his Dad’s scrap yard. So, it turned out that 20 years later, in a different part of Goa, in a particular beach café. Speaking of this oncoming shift with Mark and Dave, I was actually talking to Dave, Zak’s best mate!!?? How is that possible, what are the odds? But then when you understand what the world really is, yes, it’s totally possible. This kind of thing happens to me all the time, ALL of the time.)



Back in London I told everyone that I had ‘seen God’, and yes I lost a lot of friends, only the real ones listened, and as my best mate Dinky said, ‘Bergy, I haven’t got a fucking clue what you are talking about, but you are still the same old Bergy to me.’ You see we’d been through a lot together, he’d seen my reaction to some Really sticky situations and so he trusted me, well accepted me unconditionally.


It seems that some are always looking for an excuse to pull you down whereas others just see you as a friend, no real judgement or conditions attached.



My Dad got really pissed off, this was insanity he didn’t want to hear it, he wanted ‘normal’. I was living back with him because my ‘civil relationship’ had failed, and so this God stuff was creating tension.


I was then shown that he would win the football pools the next week, so I told him, which made him even more pissed off, and then yes he won….


My Dad won something like £3.65, not really life changing in the amount. But then how could I have known, that was the point?!


Even Nostrodumass never got it so right, or was so specific.



My Sister’s friend Fiona called from Greece after not being in contact for maybe 8 years. Long story short, she had a full on dream that I had woke? So much so that she called, how is that possible?


And then she told my Sister that she ‘felt’ I had to visit a particular spiritual book shop in Richmond Upon Thames.


So I went along, yes expecting miracles and yet nothing really happened. The owner ‘Peggy’ spoke mainly about Jesus so I told her I was actually a Jew, not that I am religious.



When I told Peggy I was a Jew she spoke of Kabbalah but then to tell the truth I actually hated the Jewish religion, why? Well I went to a Christian school, which was not even Christian it was secular, Christian in name only and by default as a UK school. But then it’s ever any old excuse for bullies and I was the Jewboy, so, you can fill in the gaps, being a Jew got me beat up. I passed on this ‘Kabbalah’ and went home empty handed.


That night in a dreamI was ‘told’ to get a copy of this Kabbalah (which is not a book).


In the morning I asked my Dad if he knew of it and so he looked it up in one of his Jewish reference books.


The initial coincidence was that the two holy centres for Kabbalah were Zefat and Merom in the Upper Galiliee, Israel. No need to tell me where these places were, when I was about 19, a few mates and I volunteered to work on a Kibbutz called Kibbutz Sasa.


To keep fit whilst staying there I would run either to Merom junction of a few times the longer distance to Zefat and get the bus back.


So, another coincidence!


I called Peggy asking for a copy of the ‘Kabbalah’, and of course she told me it was not a book, but she could get me a commentary. However, all of the commentaries in her particular catalogue were written by the Rabbi Philip. S. Berg, and I am S. Berg so…..and no Berg is not a common name, even with Jews.


I read the commentary and yes there was some truth but then it was commercial fluff.


The book wasn’t the point it was more about the coincidence. It was good to see the basics though, agreeing/confirming what I had just experienced. Since then I have looked into Kabbalah a little more and yes there is indeed truth in there!! The one problem seems to be that, and no I don’t know all of the versions of those who follow Kabbalah. But they still seem to see it all in a linear way. The stay with God, the bread of shame, the veil of ignorance and then the return where everyone is happy forever! When in truth I saw that we ever feel this bread of shame, it’s a cycle not a line.





Loads of impossible stuff happened at that time, I can’t even remember it all now, and yes it still happens! More so back then and really picking up again now!! I feel we are close to the revelation now.


As I understand it, the coincidence around me was simply God sticking a flag in my ass, without fully revealing itself. It’s not possible for those things to have happened and so this should now give jaded people a reason to read my explanation of God. A text that everyone can share in the understanding of, for themselves. This is not about me standing in a lofty place spewing nonsensical dogma down AT you. This is about me a brother and friend helping you to remember who you are, helping you to ‘become’. Helping us to heal this ‘world’, and I am not the only one. Many are waking from so many directions, all brings their puzzle pieces to the table so that the big picture can be seen! I hate to appear arrogant, but I really believe that the understanding of the God doc, is the key! It kind of vindicates all the new age views, gives context and plausibility! It makes all this crazy shit seem to make a whole lot more sense is what I am saying!


The world is still asleep, some are waking, some are jumping the band wagon, who is who, again I believe the God doc. will help you to discern.


Yeah like in politics where a man wears an expensive suit and talks in an educated and eloquent way, (not actually his words, he speeches are written for him), does this mean that you can trust him, no most definitely not! Politicians intrinsically cannot be trusted! And it’s the same in the spiritual world now, there is so much bullshit out there. If you look ethnic, wear the right clothes, beads etc. And then speak of love and peace and most importantly, what people can get from this, peace and personal power, which always relates to money. Then these guys can rake in the cash from the sheep. In God you most definitely have to understand, the God doc. will explain why.


So I suppose you could take this text above as a kind of proof that the God doc is valid, all the impossible things that happened and I only told a minute percentage of the impossible stuff that happened. If I list it all out would it give you more incentive to believe?


Bearing in mind that it could all be lies! Did I really work at the Dome of the Rock? Yes it can be proven, but then all of the other happenings, you had to have been there in order to see for yourself.


The God doc. should stand by itself, the logic is impeccable and it’s also extending and uniting not only modern spiritual views, it’s also confirming such independent secular scientific views such as the Holographic Principle and the Bouncing Universe Theory!


However, if you want proof then time is the test. I say that it’s not a matter of proof, the world is about to change and in no uncertain terms, God will be revealed. So this information is really just a heads up, and explanation as to why, what will seem to be crazy weird shit happening. Will actually be a very natural, dare I say ‘normal’ progression.


I’ve been relatively awake for 21 years now, and to me it’s you lot who look crazy. Thinking that the world is physically real even when your science tells you otherwise.


Thinking that magic can’t happen when logic can’t explain your reflected reality?


Relatively awake? Yes, I did go back to sleep to a degree in order to live in this place, and I do know that I will wake further when it’s time. When it’s time for most of us to wake…


Well that’s my story, a Jew went to the Temple, a Jew had awakening experience and then tried to explain. You would have thought that people would listen wouldn’t you, but they don’t. I wrote to the Chief Rabbis who should at the very least want to hear the story. But no, never a reply, why? Well it can’t be true for them can it, why? Because it’s not possible in their minds why, because they don’t really believe! I wrote to Kabbalah orgs and they hated that I was seeming to steal their thunder and it all relates to cash doesn’t it, it’s a business concern, I wonder how much a Chief Rabbi earns? Everyone is dreaming away…. Some even dreaming that they are awake!


Time will tell, you see there is no reason for ‘enlightenment’ in itself! It seems to have become a fad now, the search for ‘enlightenment’ a means to its own ends???


Anyone who attains enlightenment to any degree will do so for a reason, you don’t train to become a plumber for the sake of it do you? There is an end product you fix leaks etc.


Another symptom of cosmic sleep. The brain fart that thinks that spirituality is life choice, a fashion.


No, It’s a path, and all paths lead somewhere.


‘I would like to become a yoga teacher, play nice music in my nice yoga centre. Pass on a healthy low impact exercise routine and make a living at the same time.’. Yes, that’s a nice way to earn money.



Spiritual? No…


No need to go on and on, this will happen soon…. New game, new rules!


The understanding won’t even matter per se by then, everyone will end up where they belong and then ‘life’, if we can even call it life beyond physical death. Life will go on as normal.


Same old shit, different day, all in all…